A Mother's Farewell to a Much Loved Son

                                             A Letter to my Son:     

      
      

  As you head to Japan to begin the next stage of your life I wanted you to have something from me to accompany you. For weeks now I have been trying to think of what I want to say. It has to be heartfelt and sincere, perhaps something you'll  keep and treasure throughout your life.
        I have pictures of your life flashing through my mind as if it were a power point presentation. Some are funny, some are sad, and some I wish I  could have pressed a pause button for because I never wanted them to end.
                                        
              August 24, 1993. The day of your birth and the day I went from being just Karen to someone's Mommy. There's nothing quite as special as when you first see and hold your baby for the first time. As I nursed you I promised you I would try to be the best mom ever, and that no matter what I would ALWAYS make sure you knew how much I loved you. I also promised to be your biggest fan and to make sure you knew I would ALWAYS be there for you no matter what time of day or night it was.

This was taken on my first mother's day. All I wanted for a gift was a picture of you and I together. Just the day before you had said your first word "fan". Two days afterwards you would say your second word: "hi".

I was a proud mother to have a son who could not only talk at nine months, but used words the average baby doesn't mumble first. A tiny part of me was also sad because it meant you were growing up.Here you are just barely two years old. Dad styled your hair and dressed you. You were NOT a happy boy. You cried and cried and finally the lady let you hold her Barney you smiled and she snapped the only picture we could get of you not crying. My, how you loved your little sister. You told anyone that would listen that she was your baby.

Three years old and none too happy Grandpa had Katie and you had to hold my hand. Even then you knew what you wanted out of life. 

Fifth grade and the attitude I called the "I know I am awesome" look.  You were so sure of yourself. I have never felt that way about myself and so I could only stare in awe from the sidelines.

 It was during this time I became convinced you hated me and that once you were grown you would have nothing to do with me. I cried almost nightly on how I had failed as your mother.  Oh, how I wanted to reach out to you and let you know I was doing the best I could as a mother, and that I am sorry I wasn't very good at being one.

A Marine. My son I am so proud of you. You endured thirteen weeks of hell and came out the winner. My little boy is now a man in every way. A tear rolls down my cheek and I say a silent prayer of thanks that you not only made it this far, but that you actually still want your Momma in your life.

As your plane lifts to the sky and heads toward Japan my thoughts and prayers go with you. They will be with you every step of the way in the next two years. I will be hoping they give you some sense of comfort when you feel alone, some sense that no matter how far away you are your mother is ALWAYS thinking of and loving you. No matter how late or early it is I am just a phone call, text, email, or snail mail letter away.

With that in mind I leave you with the song that was playing on the radio at the moment you entered this world. I have only included the excerpts that won't embarrass you.

SOMEWHERE OUT THERE:

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight.

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star.
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky.







With all my love your Momma,