Why? Why Not?

                                   Why, why, oh why me Lord?


         Shortly after being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia I asked the Lord this very question. The answer was; " why not you?', "if not you, then who?", "You can make this a positive or negative experience."
          I took that to mean I could either use it to draw closer to the Lord, or let it pull me away. For awhile I tried to stay near the lord, but before long all the pain, insensitivity, and negativity slowly pulled me away. I reasoned with myself that if the Lord was going to punish me by giving me Fibromyalgia then I didn't need him anyhow.
           Oh, how VERY wrong I was.  

         I went and talked with a dear christian friend last week.. This friend listened to me a good long time and gave me answers I needed to hear, and some I wasn't sure were the answers I had been looking for until my friend said them.
         This friend never once condemned me or even brought up examples such as Job to make me feel bad, or that I was doing something wrong.
          I am still not where I should be, but I am learning that for one God did NOT  give me Fibromyalgia, but God IS getting me through it one painful and sleep deprived day at a time.
          When "Fibro Fog" makes me forget where I placed my glasses, keys, purse, etc.  I say a short prayer and more often than not I find a lost item quicker than if I had on my own.
           On days when the pain is unbearable I just pray to be able to get through the day a minute at a time. If I break it down in small parts such as If I can do this for 10 minutes then I can... 
            Every day I hate NOT being an equal partner with my husband. There's so much he does to help me, and I can do nothing in return. It breaks my heart, but I am grateful for the wonderful husband that I have in Christopher Wilcox. Not only does he help me in day to day tasks, but he helps me try to take the best care of myself I can. I may not always agree with what he says, but I do appreciate he loves me enough to keep trying to find new ways for me to have the best quality of life I can.
          So when I get in my self pity party I try to remember if I have God, Jesus, and my husband going through this with me I just may get through this earthly trial of Fibromyalgia and the other ailments that life has thrown in my road of life.

                 Until next time God bless,