If only it was this easy.The first thing I learned after being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia was that NOTHING not even Oxycontin would ever completely take my pain away. I cried from the news and a new future I would never have wished on even my worst enemy.
I was going to college, had a career path in mind to a job I knew I was going to love, and once my toddler went to school I would be free to pursue my dream. All that came crushing down like a deck of cards while my primary care doctor finished with the rest of his news.
Two weeks later my student loan came due and I asked for a deference due to the fact that I was now classified as disabled by my physician and we only had one income. I was informed they had a form they could mail it to me that my physician could fill out and then I could return it to them. They would then make a decision on whether I was truly disabled. If in fact I was they would erase my debt. You can bet I asked for that paper.
I saw my doctor a month or so later and asked him to fill it out. After he filled it out I read what he wrote and I thought to myself: "Sheesh, even I didn't know I was that bad." As soon as I got home I gave it to my husband to mail off.
Two months later I received a letter from Sallie Mae and their decision had been made. I really didn't want to look at it, I was that scared.
Summoning up some courage I didn't know I had I looked inside. They had agreed with the doctor I would never work again, and so $15,000 in debt was written off. I was relieved for that, and yet sad because I heard the brakes screeching on all my plans for my future.
I looked up Fibromyalgia on Google and didn't like one bit what I read. In a nut shell I would always be tired,I would always be in some form of pain, Be prone to migraines, experience depression the rest of my life, sensitivity to one or more of the following: odors, noise, bright lights, medications, certain foods, and cold, Difficulty remembering, concentrating, and performing simple mental tasks ("fibro fog") Difficulty remembering, concentrating, and performing simple mental tasks. There were more then just these, but I stopped after this because I knew I couldn't handle knowing the rest.
Now, I am on more medicines then an average person of forty one years should have to be on, and as for forty one I don't fear getting old because most days I hurt as bad as the average eighty year old. I have the handicapped sign for my van, and a cane to prove it.
Do you know what the worst part of all this Fibromyalgia? It's people's insensitivity. I have heard :You don't look sick," "You walked fine yesterday," "you fidget worse than my five year old in church". " You must have stolen this bus pass because there is no way you are disabled , ( and with that he tore it to pieces and drove off without me, I then had to walk almost 3 miles in the cold to work). I have also heard: If I was as lazy as her to take the bus to only go a few blocks I'd be ashamed of myself, that must be why she is so fat." For the record the reason I am so fat is for one most of my medications say may gain weight as a side effect, and two with the pain I am in most days just getting out of bed is all the exercise my body can manage.
So to all who think we are faking this, or that Fibromyalgia isn't real I dare you to have someone beat you up with a baseball bat over your entire body ( because that is ALMOST what we feel. Now add to it no sleep for 3-4 days at the same time as the time you healing from the beat up, and lastly,keep up with all the activities you do on a normal day. Only then will you begin to see a fraction of what we go through every day of our life.
Until next time God bless,
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